Music has and always will be a huge part of me. My iPod music collection is completely bi-polar. I love all genres of music and tend to listen to choices that match my mood or pertain to what I’m going through in life at that moment. I’ve always loved this song by the Pretenders. It makes me think of my hubby and the support he gives me day after day. He stands by me, listens and I trust him and believe in him. Trust is very hard for me. I used to not cry if I was hurting or even fight to hold back tears of happiness or even tears if I was watching a really great movie. I’d feel stupid for crying, period.
This song makes me emotional. Some days it’s a happy feeling and some other days it’s almost a sad feeling. I feel so fortunate to be married to a man that refused to give up on me after I would make promise after promise that it would be the last time I’d black out. He’s been there on my darkest day with alcohol and held my hand until I could see the sun again. He keeps me grounded, reminds me what’s important, what to let go of and teaches me patience. I never wanted to be with someone just like me because it would be out of control crazy in the drinking sense. I’ve always had the “Go big or go home” mentality. I love my sober me. She’s is happy, her heart is full and she is sunshine. He is also the best father I could’ve hoped for. This is so important to me since my biological father wasn’t a father and my step dad who was around for 25 years just decides to write me and my family off like he never knew us after he and my Mom got a divorce. Getting this out in a blog feels fanfreakingtastic!!!!
Today I’ve got 28 sobriety days and although that may not be much, it’s a lot for me and a lot for my hubby and kids. It’ll continue to grow and right now that is pretty exciting for me. I’m working hard at sobriety and it’s something that no one can take from me except me. You have to remind yourself every damn day that you have a problem with alcohol.